Turning the Page

So often, I fail to acknowledge the duality that’s woven into the journey of this short little life here – the endings that are contrary to my desire, my plan and even my beliefs. Three years to the day that I would receive divorce papers… I walked into a chapter that I wasn’t prepared for. And while most days felt like I was treading water in the middle of the ocean with only a little strength left, moments away from drowning – even in that, I still held onto hopes that were of my own – hopes that were manifestations of my imagination. I had this picture painted inside of my head of how everything would ultimately be pieced back together again one day, (by my design). Through this very difficult season, I witnessed so many miracles within – strength, patience and love that was not of my own. But I also witnessed the hypocrisy and pride within me too. Eventually it all makes it’s way to the surface and I haven’t dealt with this very well at all. Faced with betrayal, I fell victim to my own bitterness and anger. I’ve battled with unforgiveness and I’ve lost many rounds… and still counting. In conclusion, what I’ve learned is that I haven’t yet arrived anywhere. I’m still flawed, fragile and jaded – and very much in need of a Savior. I’ve also learned that I’m not HE. I am not qualified to save anyone… especially myself. The Lord says that what HE BRINGS TOGETHER, no man can tear apart. So, I have to believe that His hand wasn’t in the formation of my marriage… Either that, or it’s just a season that’s ran it’s course and served its purpose in the realm of mortality and temporal belonging – as “there is a time for everything”…. As this chapter has reached its end and a new one now begins, I hope to do a better job of accepting that things will not likely ever work out to my plans… that I’ll have good days and bad days too. I will embark upon new beginnings and I’ll also face endings that I wasn’t expecting… but in all things, HE IS STILL ON THE THRONE…. and even when it doesn’t feel like it.. everything is going to be ok…

Ecclesiastes 3. — There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

— Jodi

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