I am terrified tonight.  Christ appeared to me in a dream years ago.  He was larger than the mountains and stood over everything, stoned face as bodies disintegrated into nothing.  I saw this as destruction by sulphur – I’m not even sure that I knew what sulphur meant until I woke up and began researching the word.  It was a type of fire that moved so quickly over matter that it turned something into nothing in an instant.  It was like a singe of smoke went up… then only dust remained.

The Bible says that we were made out of dust and to do dust shall we return.  This is demonstrated in the human body that no longer holds life inside of it – it disintegrates and returns to the earth – all except the bones.  I would presume that the dust I saw returning to the earth in this dream represented the remains of those bones.

I was terrified as I sat on top a mountain screaming as loud as I could at Jesus – begging him to help me.  I knew that I was not safe from the destruction and that the substance of each person (how weighted they were with the wrong contents) was the determining factor of their place in line with the what they could withstand – how long they would remain until their number was up and they too would be overtaken by the sulphur.

Just as the moment arrived, when I knew my turn was up, suddenly everything became calm.  I heard no more screams, no more of the sizzling sound that was casted into the airwaves as the sulphur took down its victims.  The face of Jesus softened and he looked at me – his eyes were warm and loving and he smiled.

I broke out into tears thanking him.  I woke up wearing those tears and was both terrified and relieved at the same time.  My terror felt like a heaviness on my heart – wanting to warn everyone in the world of what I saw.

A scripture that’s been heavy on my mind over the last week talks about sickness.  It says that everything that makes me unclean flows from my heart and it even goes on to say that washing my hands doesn’t even matter – it won’t help me.  I interpreted this as a cause to all sickness and disease that’s in this fallen world.  Our hearts are what makes us unwell in the flesh and unable to stand before the living God.  And I wonder, was it the presence of Christ in that dream that radiated the fire?

Isaiah 66:15 says, ““For, behold, the LORD will come with fire and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire.”

So many scriptures paint pictures in my mind of what it must mean to stand before a Lord who refines with fire.  I’ve seen his eyes burning with fire once – a mixture of love and wonder that cut so deep into my heart I couldn’t remember how to breathe.

If we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling, what is to come of the one who has found relaxation in a lukewarm relationship with the Lord?  I have had many offer me advice over the last year – some people who love me and want good things for me, and some that maybe just wanted to share their own knowledge or beliefs about survival in a world that practices the art of being offended placed on a pedestal representing of our times.

“If you don’t stop talking about Christ, your business will suffer and your career will be ruined.”

I don’t know anyone who wants to be judged by others and I’ve worried much about being called crazy for sharing testimonies of experiences throughout my life and beyond.  On the other hand, is it worth my soul to deny truth?  I mean if it’s truly what you’ve seen, heard, experienced and know in your own heart – how can you deny that for the sake of money or fame or success or acceptance?  What about for the sake of love?  Because for me, that’s where I have fallen away from my truth – when my heart is attached to someone in this world.  I walked through a fire that showed me how meaningless money, success and material things are in this lifetime.  But the one thing I didn’t lose in that trial was a desire to be loved by another.  How far will I minimize myself to be acceptable in the eyes of someone who I perceive has stollen my heart?  The answer is not one that I’m proud of.

My friend Angie reminded me yesterday that the Bible says “God is a jealous lover.”  And I know I’ve minimized myself and the heart that he has placed inside of me and allows to beat inside of my chest, carrying blood to my organs in this very moment for HIS glory, not anyone else’s gain.

I’ve told myself that I was on an assignment, not wanting others to feel judged by me – but who I am trying to please in that?  Is it not my flesh I’m trying to save if I live a lie to appease the thoughts of another?

And if “where much is known, much is required” is the Lord’s view concerning the gifts he has given to those called according to his purpose, then I should be quite terrified tonight….  as I am…

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