Living a secret life is the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to do. Although, I walk with a skip in my step, have huge smile on my face and a laugh that can be heard from 3 buildings away I more often than none go to sleep in tears. Addiction has engulfed my family’s lives for years. I share this because
Addiction Doesn’t Take A Holiday
Turned on the television lately? Spent any time on social media? If you have, then you’ve been inundated with scenes of warm family gatherings, friends gathering for celebrations, co-workers sharing laughter and joy at the office party. But amidst all the glitter, laughter, and joy there are those of us who are struggling. For me, the holidays are more a time of fear and anxiety rather than joy and happiness. And although I coach the contrary, my heart as a mom does it’s own thing!!!!
Sometimes I isolate myself and hunker down in hope that I survive the holidays. Still I’ll hide behind a smile or a laugh as I join in the holiday festivities with others. Sadly, my friends and family haven’t the slightest idea of the fear, anxiety and loneliness that fills my day. Addiction knows no holiday. If you recognize these signs in your clients, your loved ones, or even in yourself, know that you are not alone. I find myself helpless ,hopeless, knowing in my heart that my Only Son, 1/3 of my heart, 1/3 of my soul is in constant agony ,always deep in prayer that God heal him. Knowing that God HAS healed him and speaking these words of AFFIRMATION.
I drove to Houston yesterday, my heart filled with LOVE and expectation that he would call me , that he would be where he said he would be and that I would hold him tight and reassure him that Mom was there, as i always am!! That wasn’t the case, he wasn’t there, I didn’t receive the call. Addiction is real, it’s cruel, it’s ugly, it’s stripping and it causes the worst f****** PAIN EVER!!! I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!! I want my baby boy back!!!! I’m so angry, and so damn sad!!!! I share this because I need you to know that I am real and that if you too suffer this, you are not alone!!!!! Hang in there. I know how you feel, how hard it is but through this storm we will eventually see the beautiful sunlight!!!! Xoxoxo to all of you!!! – Maritza
My Thoughts.. Hope in the Holiday Season
When I read the confession of this mother, Maritza, I felt simply heartbroken for her. Realizing that so many, (myself included) feel sadness and anxiety, even more throughout the holidays than any other time of the year because this season is meant to be a time of family gatherings and making beautiful memories. The beautiful pictures of families in celebration that we see in social media and in Christmas cards that fill our mailboxes can be depressing through the process of comparison. I find myself asking the Lord, “Why are we broken, when everyone else is all put together? Why are we suffering, when everyone else is happy?” And then I turn to the stories of the bible for clarity of that comparison – wondering if this is how Joseph felt when he looked around at all of the beautiful families, reflecting on how his own brothers sold him into slavery. I wonder if this is how Sarah felt, watching all of the mothers play with their children as she waited nearly a century for the chance to have a son of her own. Perhaps this is how Abraham felt as he traveled with Isaac to lay down that beloved son that he’d waited so long to hold, as a sacrifice for the Lord. Did Abraham wonder, “Why do I have to lay down my son, when all the people around me are enjoying fatherhood?” Pain, loss, waiting and uncertainty seem to be a common theme throughout the stories of the prophets, the chosen ones, the apostles and even our Lord Jesus who was to be crucified in a season of celebration (the passover) – and the demonstration of anxiety as he cried out to our Heavenly Father, Saying, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42).
Like this mother, who poured her heart out in weakness about the pain she feels through this season of celebration, so many of us feel heartbroken over the holidays, reflecting on the shattered areas of our lives – our loved ones who are caught in seasons of bondage, despair and uncertainty.
Maritz’a story is ultimately God’s story. And, I find peace in knowing that God uses the broken. I find clarity in understanding that the Lord assures us that we will walk through many afflictions, trials and times of tribulation – but he says he will deliver us from them all. Just like Abraham, who laid his son down as a sacrifice before the Lord, I pray that this mother will soon find God’s provision in her pain – that in trusting Him and laying her anxiety and heartbreak down at the cross of Jesus, she will soon see the beauty of his perfect plan.
My prayers are with all of you who are hurting this holiday season. You are not alone and the Lord is with us, even in this, painting beauty in an everlasting tomorrow that we can’t yet even comprehend.
Love you all…